I’ve been remiss about writing and posting a Thursday blog post about my family’s journey with Lyme; part of me justifies this by telling myself I am tired of whining and complaining about symptoms, treatments and the highs and lows of Lyme; the other part of me justifies this by telling myself I am putting my energy into writing my book.
We are still managing the effects of Lyme and I am seeing improvement with brain fog and function for both of my sons – improved CAASP testing and focus at school for my younger son and improved academic performance and engagement with my older son; I choke up when I think about the major strides they’ve made – but there’s still the harsh reality that we still have a long way to go.
I admit I don’t miss blogging about the negativity and all the new Lyme-related issues we’ve been dealing with over the past month or so, but I do miss connecting with others who may be dealing with their own Lyme issues. Lyme may be on the back burner of my blog however; it is still very much front and center in my life.
Over the past month, I have had my head down, focusing on writing my book. I love the process of creating and the catharsis of getting everything off my chest and out of my head; it feels good. It feels even better as I wrap up Part I of the book, knowing I have already written half of Part II, and that Part III will likely be the most fun to write.
I struggle with the “Am I good enough to write?” and the “Who will read this?” as I continue to share the details of my challenges with Lyme. I am saying “No” to meetings and appointments – or at least being a bit more “selective” so I can stay focused on the task at hand: writing my story and taking care of me and my family.
Last night, my younger son came into my office and asked me how many words I’ve written and how many characters I’ve typed (35,907 and 194,142 respectively); his eyes widen when I tell him this. It is an exhausting process as I journey through the pain of reliving some of the worst parts of my illness and my life “Before the pulmonary embolism.”
When I think of what I have accomplished, I am in awe.
When I think of why I am writing, I am inspired to write more.
When I think of how much more I must write, I remind myself that while I am not there yet, I am closer than I was yesterday.