The walls we build around us to keep sadness out also keeps out the joy. ~Jim Rohn
Note: Recently, I made the decision to share more about my family’s Lyme diagnosis and treatment; part of it is cathartic, and part is to help increase awareness about the impact of Lyme.
At my doctor’s visit this week, I was able to tell my doctor that the feeling of depression and hopelessness had diminished since my last visit three months ago. It felt like the veil had been lifted and the light was coming in and filling my soul.
I remember several years after the birth of my second son, asking a friend if it was possible to have post-postpartum depression. I had been feeling down and the smallest things were overwhelming: paying bills, cleaning the house, and spending time with my kids.
Time with my family, baking cookies, hiking or reading a book were good days.
The not-so-good days were days when I felt like staying home, hunkered down under a blanket on the sofa and waiting for the feeling of emptiness to go away.
There were days when I drove down the winding road to our home, thinking “What if I just drove the car over the side of the hill and into the canyon?” Those days were the worst.
I wondered what was wrong with me. Was it the weather? The stress of work and kids? A midlife crisis?
I sought help from my doctor who prescribed Zoloft “to take the edge off.” Medication seemed to work until it didn’t. I missed out on parties, bar mitzvahs, nights out with friends. It felt safer and easier to stay home.
I thought of myself as an introverted extrovert. I ventured down the path of meditation and Pilates. I learned to manage by taking care of myself physically, spiritually, and emotionally. It was the only way I could cope.
After finding a physician who uses an integrative and holistic approach, was I able to get the answers about why I had been feeling so poorly; I learned that the fatigue, body aches, night sweats, and depression – just a few of the many issues I’ve been wrestling with over the years that I chalked up to work, motherhood, and aging – are clinical symptoms associated with human babesiosis and part of my Lyme diagnosis.
This recent doctor’s visit provided a sense of relief and joy: integrative treatment is working! I feel I am beginning to tear down the walls, lift the veil, and see the light. My hope is to help others with Lyme do the same.