Nothing is a waste of time if you use the experience wisely. ~Auguste Rodin
This morning as I scrolled through my Facebook memories, a memory from two years ago jumped out at me:
“Today I am putting my intention out to the Universe. Those who know me well know that when I do this, things happen. I set my intention of winning the drawing at a luncheon the other day; I won.
I set my intention to get a permit to get a spot in the Half Dome Lottery. I secured a permit to hike Half Dome.
I set my intention to quit my corporate job and do what I love; I am now living the life I love coaching and consulting.
My latest intention is a big one. Like OMG. WTF? Yikes! – So here it is I am beginning the process of writing a book. There have been stories/commentary/scenes that have been running through my head for years. This book has my mom imprinted all over it. She inspired me, she believed in me and she was the biggest cheerleader every single time I set an intention.
Mother’s Day is a week away – there’s no need to wait a week to start. The breadcrumbs have been put out in front of me, now is the time to start the journey. My intention is to complete the book by Mother’s Day 2019. Thank you, Universe!”
I remember writing that post on May 6, 2017: I was excited but afraid to put it out there, knowing that once I did, it was going to happen. I remember feeling very vulnerable and then wondering “now what?” – because I wasn’t quite sure what one “does” when they decide to write a book (and they have zero experience) so I decided to let the Universe bring whatever I needed in order to make this happen.
As a coach, I knew I needed help along the way, so I started working with a writing coach; she told me to start writing. So, I did.
Each time I met with my writing coach, I explained how hung up I was on “how” to put the book together. My Inner Critic was loud. Once I settled down and started to write, my Inner Critic would come out and ask me questions and make snide comments.
“Who is going to read this?”
“How are you going to make money?”
“You have zero writing experience”
I allowed my Inner Critic to walk all over me and question why I was doing this. I spent a few months wondering if it made sense to continue to write or give up. The pressure of the May 2019 publish date loomed over me.
Every time I met with my writing coach, I’d have an excuse: I was researching, I didn’t have a topic to write about, or I was stuck.
“Just write” my coach continued to say to me.
I attended a WordPress workshop and slowly started putting ideas together for the layout of my website, but my writing was still sporadic and minimal. I was waiting for the magic to happen. I was waiting for the story to come out. I envisioned sitting down, allowing the story to pour out of my head and onto paper.
I dragged my feet for months with half-assed writing and an incomplete website. Procrastination wasn’t holding me back, fear was. I was afraid of introspection and seeing beyond what my Inner Critic had convinced me was true.
November 2017, I sought refuge at the beach and spent three days in solitude at my friend’s beach house in Pajaro Dunes. The ocean, sand, and the breeze allowed me to get fully grounded and in alignment. The strength I gained allowed me to push my Inner Critic aside and rise about my fears.
I sat and wrote page after page. I outlined my website. I found energy and joy in what I was doing. I felt free.
I returned home from the beach fully charged, having made the decision to launch my website and my blog after the holidays. I wanted to be fully present with my family.
At first, I wrote about my Mom, then about my Dad. I’ve written about my husband and children and the impact of Minimalism and Lyme on our family. Now, two years later, I am writing and blogging consistently and enjoying every moment.
Mother’s Day is right around the corner and while my book is not finished (yet) nor has it been published (yet), I am not worried nor do I let my Inner Critic beat me up; the book will be finished when it gets finished.
Instead, my Inner Champion tells me loud and clear: “There’s more for you to learn, discover, and experience that is part of your story, just be patient.” And I am. I know the Universe has my back.